Is It Possible to Be Too Nice at Work?
We all want to work in a positive, supportive environment. But is it possible to be too nice at work? At first glance, that might sound like a strange question. After all, who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by polite, considerate colleagues?
Yet in our latest episode of The Strategic Leader, we explored how being “nice” can sometimes hold people — and whole organisations — back.
Nice vs Kind: What’s the Difference?
On the surface, nice and kind sound interchangeable. But they’re not.
Nice often means keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, or smoothing over discomfort. It’s polite — but also passive.
Kind, on the other hand, is intentional. It’s about being in service to others, even when that means having a difficult conversation.
Put simply: niceness often protects our own comfort. Kindness prioritises someone else’s growth.
The Problem with Being “Too Nice”
When leaders or colleagues avoid uncomfortable truths in the name of being nice, several things can happen:
Unclear expectations — People don’t know where they stand.
Missed opportunities for improvement — Mistakes repeat because they’re never addressed.
Extended discomfort — Instead of 15 seconds of honesty, people suffer drawn-out uncertainty.
Frustration — Team members feel blindsided when the truth eventually emerges.
As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind.” Lack of clarity, however well-intentioned, is anything but.
Courageous Conversations
Many organisations now talk about “difficult conversations”, but we prefer to call them courageous conversations. Why? Because honesty requires bravery.
Leaders need the courage to:
Deliver unwelcome news clearly and respectfully.
Prioritise someone else’s development over their own short-term comfort.
Risk temporary unpopularity for the sake of long-term trust.
One useful framework here is Radical Candour (by Kim Scott). It balances two things:
Caring personally — showing genuine concern for the individual.
Challenging directly — being willing to say what needs to be said.
The sweet spot lies where these two meet. Without both, we fall into unhelpful patterns such as ruinous empathy (caring but not challenging) or obnoxious aggression (challenging without care).
Practical Tips for Leaders
If you want to shift from “nice” to “kind”, here are some simple practices:
Adopt the mindset of usefulness — Ask yourself: How can I be most useful to this person right now?
Seek permission — Frame feedback as something of value and ask if they’re ready to hear it.
Be clear and courageous — Don’t disguise the message in “feedback sandwiches”. State it plainly, then let it land.
Normalise feedback — Build a culture of regular check-ins. Try the simple “What went well / Even better if” approach.
Listen and invite response — After giving feedback, ask: What do you think? or How does that land with you?
Final Thoughts
Being “nice” might feel safe, but it can actually be unkind in the long run. True leadership means choosing courage over comfort — being clear, constructive, and genuinely in service to others.
Kindness, not niceness, is what helps people and organisations grow.