How to Build Self Awareness as a Leader

Gemma and I have reached our fourth tool in the strategic toolkit we're building this series, and it's one Gemma has been waiting to get to since episode one. Self-awareness. It sits right at the heart of everything else in the toolkit, because you genuinely cannot change what you cannot see.

Why self-awareness belongs in every leader's toolkit

At its simplest, self-awareness is about tuning into our assumptions, our preferences, our habits, the way we interpret situations, our strengths and weaknesses, and the impact we have on the people around us. That's a lot of ground to cover, and Gemma made the point early on that these things shape how we show up and how we see the world, often without us noticing.

I'd add one thing to that. Self-awareness sounds like it's entirely about looking inward, but a good chunk of it is actually about detachment, being able to step back and see how other people experience you. Almost everything we achieve as leaders is achieved through other people, so understanding our impact on them isn't optional. Gemma made a sharp point here too: you could be the most strategically minded leader in the world, but if your impact on the people around you undermines that thinking, you're seriously limiting your ability to lead well. We don't operate in isolation.

Intention versus impact

One distinction we keep coming back to is the gap between intention and impact. We judge ourselves on our intentions, this is how I meant to come across, but other people judge us on our impact, how we actually landed with them. Those are two different things, and there's only so much slack you'll get for saying that wasn't my intention. Understanding the impact you actually have, not just the one you meant to have, is genuinely critical.

The five-part model

Gemma broke this down into five words that build on each other, and I think it holds together really well as a way of turning something quite broad and nebulous into something you can actually work with.

Awareness comes first. This is where feedback lives, asking yourself and other people what you do well, what you do too much or too little of, and how you're experienced by those around you. The Johari Window is a useful reference point here, the idea that there are things we know about ourselves, things others can see that we can't, our blind spots, and things nobody has spotted yet. Gathering that outside view matters enormously, because some of the most useful data lives in other people's heads, not our own.

Understanding is the sense making stage. Why do I operate this way? What preferences or beliefs are driving this behaviour? Gemma used a lovely example here about drivers, her own tendency towards action and getting things done, versus someone whose driver leans more towards quality and getting things exactly right. Neither is wrong, but understanding which one is running the show helps you see your own patterns more clearly.

Acceptance is next, and it can be straightforward or genuinely confronting depending on what you're accepting. I want to flag something important here though. Accepting who you are isn't the same as using that's just who I am as an excuse to stop growing. We come with what I called our factory settings, preloaded preferences and drivers, but they're not locked. We have neuroplasticity. We can make what Gemma nicely called bespoke upgrades. Acceptance is a platform to move from, not a place to stop.

Appreciation takes that further still. It's the difference between passively accepting something and actively welcoming it as useful, recognising that your strengths and gaps are part of what makes you who you are, and that a room full of people with different strengths and gaps is a genuinely good thing. This is where learning, experimentation and trying new approaches live.

Effectiveness is the fifth and final piece, and really the whole point of the exercise. Once you're aware, you understand it, you've accepted it and you're appreciating the alternatives, the question becomes what do I actually do with all of this. It's adapting your approach rather than defaulting to autopilot.

Two simple tools for gathering the data

We wanted to leave you with something genuinely practical, not just a model to admire from a distance.

The first is what went well, even better if. It's a lovely piece of microfeedback, borrowed from Amazing If and the Squiggly Careers world, and originally from primary schools, which tells you how simple it is. Ask for one thing that went well in a meeting or a project, then ask for one thing that could have gone even better. It keeps feedback in a positive, low stakes space, and most people can comfortably offer one thing each way.

The second is Ask 5, something Gemma learned in her coaching training as a much less daunting alternative to a full 360 review. You ask five people five questions: what three words or phrases describe me best, what do you see as one of my greatest strengths, when do you see me at my best, what do I sometimes do that gets in my own way, and what's one thing I'd benefit from doing differently. If you're in a leadership role, I'd genuinely argue you should know the answers to those five questions and be checking in on them regularly, because the more senior you get, the less likely people are to volunteer that kind of honesty unprompted.

Worth a listen if...

You want a genuinely useful way of thinking about self-awareness that goes beyond just knowing your strengths and weaknesses.

You're curious about the difference between intention and impact, and how that gap shapes the way you're experienced as a leader.

You're after a couple of simple, low pressure tools for gathering honest feedback from the people around you.

Fi Craig is the founder of GoodThinking, a Bristol-based team and executive coaching practice working with senior leaders and their teams across the UK and internationally. The Strategic Leader podcast is co-presented with Gemma Bullivant.